Claire’s Story

I came across Affect when my partner of over 20 plus happy years had a mental breakdown and committed a violent crime. 

My life was ripped from under me, my friend, my soul partner, my confidant, my support was no longer with me. I was beside myself inconsolable devastated, isolated, suicidal on the edge. I was terrified of everything had no one to turn to, financially thrust into the unknown. I asked for help from my doctor and was referred to the mental health team who tried to commit me, I was sent to counselling and was told I couldn’t be helped until I stopped crying. I was lost so very lost. My family couldn’t help, and my pain was hurting them. Some of my family just wanted to carry on as normal. Like I had cancer they just didn’t know what to say. 
 
I found Affect on the internet. I found a voice of calm understanding and non-judgemental support. I spoke on the phone but was lucky enough to be able to go to a group meeting face to face.

I had to take a cousin for support I feared driving alone, I don’t trust what I might do. I remember to this day the fear I had going in. Being in any social situation was beyond me at that point I had to dig deep to walk in, my cousin at my side helped but she could only do so much I had to be brave.

We were met by people who just understood, my contact knew my name she knew my story she was by my side not intrusive not overwhelming just there.

During our group session stories were shared. I cried openly reeling at other stories. I found kindred spirits. People talked of hope. I felt accepted I had a ‘family’. 

It has now been over ten years. I cannot express how much Affect means. By helping me they helped the entire family. I have been able to maintain my life I have been able to learn to find my strength. I have been able to be there for others in the family. People just do not realise until it happens to them what a loss to any family it is when someone is incarcerated as secondary victims of crime we are ignored, we are treated poorly by others and often have to recreate our lives. We are shamed and bullied by others and often treated like we are less than human. I am only able to be myself in affect in my life now every day live in fear of being ‘found out.’ I live under a new name I have to hide my history from those I work with. The internet unfortunately will not let the crime go away any simple search brings up the story as if was yesterday. The constant strain I manage but affect gives me respite.

Meetings online meetings face to face keep me from dark thoughts, I am able to attend as and when I need, I am able to talk or just listen. It helps to know you are not alone, that others have common pain. I have gained enough strength that I no longer use the Telephone Support Workers, but I know that if or when I do, I can ask for such help. No other place has this support.